Info Experience System

Discussion in 'One Piece Role Play' started by Larsi, Mar 6, 2018.

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  1. Ziosa

    Ziosa

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  2. Larsi

    Larsi

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  3. Cpt.

    Cpt. Cracker

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    Weapon @Mirror D. Roogy vs Minuano @Ruffles Review by @Cpt.
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    Weapon
    Personality: 17
    -you added more flavor to your character than ruff did through speech and internal dialog. the lack of story hurt your potential for increased character development

    Story Progression: 13
    -there was not much story it was just a straight forward battle

    Combat Prowess: 17
    -your RP was good, but you lacked in visuals compared to ruff's combat description (ex: post #09 all you say about your stance is "he shifted his stance" and then you immediately move onto your sword)

    Descriptions: 16

    -i like how you described and changed your character's outfit to fit the arena, descriptions were good, but lacking in amount in that you only described weapon and minuano movements, overall they were also less that ruff's

    Enjoyable: 15
    -enjoyable for a quick read, posts were a little short

    Post Count: 8

    -enjoyable for a quick read, posts were a little short

    Rule Breaks: 0
    @Mirror D. Roogy Score: 4043 (noncanon)

    Minuano
    Personality: 13
    -several posts you only had personality through body language and you left out other ways of utilizing it

    Story Progression: 13
    -there was not much story it was just a straight forward battle

    Combat Prowess: 19
    -you RP'd combat difference correctly and described your attacks well

    Descriptions: 18

    -detail was very good, but it mostly only covered the essentials

    Enjoyable: 15
    -enjoyable for a quick read, posts were a little short

    Post Count: 8


    Rule Breaks: 0
    @Ruffles Score: 4043 (noncanon)
     
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2018
    Dragomir, Tartan Owl, Roogy and 5 others like this.
  4. joby

    joby Transfemme Faerie Battle-Axe Wanted Smoothie

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    @Prison Mike :
    Personality: 18
    Story Progression: 12
    Combat Prowess: 0
    Descriptions: 22
    Enjoyable: 20

    Lee Comments:
    no longer active on orojackson. Should the prodigal son return and want to hear specific comments, then I will add them.
    SCORE: 906(noncanon)

    @Dragomir :
    Personality: 21
    Story Progression: 14
    Combat Prowess: 0
    Descriptions: 20
    Enjoyable: 22

    Dragomir Comments:
    Not a lot to say specifically on account of you only having 3 posts. Seemed like a really great start for an interesting BG tho! You managed to incorporate a flashback that had seemingly little to do with what was going to happen—which could have backfired, but it was well written and fun and didn’t linger too long so it ended up fitting really well and setting a tone for your character. good job. The portrayal of the sex worker character in the flashback was pretty unoriginal/flat/expected—and since she was the most heavily featured character aside from ‘Alias’ this kinda flattened the narrative of the flashback in general. That was pretty much my only complaint for the flashback. It’s too bad this fight never took off, you both were doing a really good job with the start.
    SCORE: 1462(noncanon)
     
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  5. Larsi

    Larsi

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  6. joby

    joby Transfemme Faerie Battle-Axe Wanted Smoothie

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    @Problematic
    Personality: 18
    Story Progression: 15
    Combat Prowess: 18
    Descriptions: 20
    Enjoyable: 20
    Post Count: 3

    Comments: come back.
    Score: 1,882(noncanon)

    @Guan_Yu
    Personality: 17
    Story Progression: 18
    Combat Prowess: 1
    Descriptions: 20
    Enjoyable: 15
    Rule Break: 3/10
    Post count: 3(not counting the post which contained the section taken from wikipedia)

    Comments: I really enjoyed your writing and descriptions, so when all of a sudden I was reading a description of a boat that read like a manual, I was a little disappointed. The silver-lining is that other than this fight ending early, the one instance of plagiarism, and that yamamoto never did any fighting (+1 instead of 0 is combat prowess because you did dodge Ein's attack before jumping the story back in time). Starting the battle off with the fight dramatically underway and then going back in time to before the fight took place was a nice story element and you pulled it off well.

    Such a short fight, so take this with a grain of salt, but if I was to be prescriptive, I would say you use a lot of drama and romance in how you describe your setting in a 3rd person omnipotent voice, and its hard to tell if this is a narrator describing things in the way yamamoto sees them or not. I think theres an opportunity to make that distinction a little clearer so that I can get more of a feel for the kind of guy yamamoto is.
    Score: 1,256(noncanon)
     
  7. Ziosa

    Ziosa

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  8. Tartan Owl

    Tartan Owl

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    @Larsi
    EXP Awarded: 7412
    Personality: 18
    Larsi showed a lot more personality in this fight compared to the brawl you had with Ruffles. His strategic cunning and ruthless testing of Kellan's worth as an ally was quite memorable.

    Story Progression: 16
    This BG has honestly had one of the most interesting settings and storylines I have come across so far. It is a simplistic story about two potential allies meeting but it tells a lot more compared to the usual "Hey I just met you! And this is crazy! But I need xp! So fight me maybe!" storylines .

    Combat Prowess: 18
    Everything done was well within limits. The descriptions of the attacks were well done and I had no problem imagining what your character was doing.

    Descriptions: 20
    The descriptions of the environment were stellar and perfectly captured the mood and setting. Your descriptions of Kellan's sword reflecting the lightning before turning black due to haki was a nice contrast.

    The reason this score is not higher is because from the posts, I cannot say much about Larsi's appearance other than "He has silver hair and a coat".

    Enjoyable: 18
    This is the most fun I had reading a battleground fight. The story and setting is short, sweet and straight to the point with some pretty nifty visuals for the reader.

    Post Count: 12

    Rule Breaks: 0

    @Beerbottle
    EXP Awarded: 6282
    Personality: 16
    Not as obvious as Larsi's personality but overall you did a good job of portraying a usually chill character that can have his moments of anger and panic when things go south. That breakdown though :LUL:.


    Story Progression: 14
    You reacted well to everything that Larsi and prompted Larsi to do certain actions (the cool earth quake scene). Kellan did not have as much of a driving presence to the story as Larsi did which is strange as Kellan is supposed to be to an equal to Larsi in this deal.

    Another weird thing was this part from a post.
    This is strange because you never come back to it. I initially assumed that when Larsi quaked the area after Kellan prompted him to, that this guy would react in shock but nothing happened.

    Combat Prowess: 14
    There were times you were describing named attacks but not giving them the name but you already talked to myself and Larsi about that so :ZULUL:.

    Descriptions: 18
    A lot like Larsi, excellent descriptions of environment and overall setting. I especially liked the description of the workshop. Just like Larsi, I have little clue as to what Kellan looks like.

    Enjoyable: 18
    Again, this was the most enjoyable battleground fight that I have read. Although this saddened me.
    Not the fabulous shoes :feelscryingman:.

    Post Count: 12

    Rule Breaks: 0
    --- Double Post Merged, Oct 22, 2018, Original Post Date: Oct 22, 2018 ---
    --- Double Post Merged, Oct 28, 2018 ---

    REVIEWED

    Participants: @Fanboy sins (Level 50) @Tartan Owl (Level 46)
    Link to start of fight: https://orojackson.com/threads/vulpes-vs-weil.55483/
    Link to end of fight: https://orojackson.com/threads/vulpes-vs-weil.55483/#post-3599169
    Extra info: Unfinished.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 6, 2018
  9. Frayz

    Frayz

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  10. Tartan Owl

    Tartan Owl

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  11. Larsi

    Larsi

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  12. Tartan Owl

    Tartan Owl

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  13. Ruffles

    Ruffles

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    can't give any feedback atm, so I'm just posting the scores so tartan can get that lvl 50+ :catsalute:
    @Kagura
    Personality 17
    Story Progression 16
    Combat Prowess 17
    Descriptions 18
    Enjoyable 16
    Rulebreaks 2 (you need to post your stats and not just link the bio which gets updated)
    EXP Gained 7044

    @Tartan Owl
    Personality 17
    Story Progression 16
    Combat Prowess 17
    Descriptions 17
    Enjoyable 16
    EXP Gained 7164
     
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  14. geraldine

    geraldine

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  15. Fanboy sins

    Fanboy sins Self-proclaimed Gentleman Wanted

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  16. Cpt.

    Cpt. Cracker

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    Jade @Ziosa vs. Shaarib @Emperor Cross Review by @Cpt.
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    Jade
    Personality: 15
    -I suggest using some body language to reinforce your personality as it seems hard to visualize at times

    Story Progression: 16
    -good job setting up the starting scenario and nerfing yourself to creatively

    Combat Prowess: 16
    -you did well for only a single turn of combat

    Descriptions: 16

    -I would like it if you could increase the selection of your word choice

    Enjoyable: 15
    -posts are a tad too light and thus glossed over detail

    Post Count: 3


    Rule Breaks: 0
    @Ziosa Score: 1516 (noncanon)

    Shaarib
    Personality: 16

    Story Progression: 18

    Combat Prowess: 11
    -didnt label your attack with dpr or target but you described it well

    Descriptions: 17


    Enjoyable: 15

    Post Count: 2


    Rule Breaks: 0
    @Emperor Cross Score: 993 (noncanon)
     
  17. Fanboy sins

    Fanboy sins Self-proclaimed Gentleman Wanted

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  18. joby

    joby Transfemme Faerie Battle-Axe Wanted Smoothie

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    @IceTimeXI
    Personality:14
    -The rapping aspect is a cool part of your character and I like that your lines were kinda absurd in this one. But other than the way your humor/attitude come into play with how Ice talks, you don't really do anything else to make him come alive as a character. Would be easy for u to do if u wanted to.
    Story Progression:1
    -No story. Ice is a bounty hunter, and Frayzah is a marine, y'all never even tried to situate their fight into some sort of narrative.
    Combat Prowess:10
    -Your durability and and strength were enough to not get cut by Frayzah's sword when you blocked his no-name strike with a B rank attack, you could have also easily described kicking the sword on the flat of the blade to avoid injury. Again, if you weren't in such a rush I think you would have easily improved this score. I was stoked to hear about the Icey Diable Jamble but that didn't really happen so that was kind of a let down as well. If you actually went into describing that in detail and using it, it would make your character and your combat feel more full.
    Descriptions:8
    -Descriptions were below average I thought. No real sensory detail or scenic information for me to grab onto. You never describe your character's appearance either which was a missed opportunity.
    Enjoyable:14
    -Despite it feeling really rushed, I still enjoyed reading it. Even though there is a lot to be desired from each individual category, as a whole it wasn't bad. All in all though, your posts just read like you don't care that other people are gonna read them and want to be entertained. You do you, and if all you want is to 'play the game' then that's fine but your scores won't really improve until you take the time to be a little more generous with your writing and the intent behind sharing it with others.
    Post count: 7
    Noncanon score: 1806

    @Frayzah
    Personality:15
    -If you explained a little more at some point what the hell was going on with the multiple personalities(?) thing that seemed to be happening, this score would have been a lot higher. Try and find ways to insert teasers of info about what makes Frayzah Frayzah to keep the audience interested and curious. On the surface he feels kinda light hearted and charismatic from this fight, but obviously there is more happening. But if you don't write it, then I don't know about it. I think you have a good idea of who your character is in detail, but you leave out so much that he feels flatter than he is here.
    Story Progression:1
    -No story. Ice is a bounty hunter, and Frayzah is a marine, y'all never even tried to situate their fight into some sort of narrative.
    Combat Prowess:10
    -The fight never really took off and you overplayed your stats with that nameless sword slash that hit Ice's foot I think. Both of you should have been able to push a lot harder than you did I think.
    Descriptions:13
    -Your descriptions were brief but easy to read and were just enough in relationship to the other aspects of your posts to sort of boost the enjoyability/readability of everything in general. You don't have to increase the word count too much more to accommodate for more in depth description I think, but using metaphor or more colorful imagery would go a long way I think.
    Enjoyable:17
    -You don't have to write a novel to get high marks in descriptions or in enjoyability, and your style of writing in your posts is a good example of this. Also, in contrast to Ice, it seems like you write with an awareness of the audience. Also a good move to rap back at Ice, felt like you were trying engage and vibe off the other person you are RPing with.
    Post count: 7
    Noncanon Score: 2264
     
  19. Tartan Owl

    Tartan Owl

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    @Sanji_
    EXP Awarded: 6282
    Personality: 18
    Your character certainly showed a lot of personality. From his rage at his frenemy(?) to his grief over lost loved ones, you did a good job of portraying how your character expresses his emotions openly.

    Story Progression: 16
    One of the better stories in the RP that certainly piqued my interest when reading it. Some short flashbacks of Ahin and Gambit sharing moments together would have been a nice extra touch.

    Combat Prowess: 16
    This was a fairly strong area as well along. Good use of stats and a nice showing of fatigue along with the rather exotic use of bladed cards as weapons. The best way to improve it in my opinion would be to expand upon the description of attacks outside of the spoiler box.

    Descriptions: 14
    I want to congratulate you on literally being the first person I have reviewed that describes in detail what their character actually looks like :catsalute:.

    Visual descriptions of the environment were also fairly good. However you mostly use sight to paint a picture of how your character perceives the world around him. Using his other senses will land you a higher score. For example
    That would have been a good chance to use Gambit's sense of taste and/or smell (e.g. "Gambit could taste the metallic tang of blood on his tongue" etc).
    Here, would have been a good moment to use Gambit's sense of touch/feeling.

    Enjoyable: 16
    Overall, an interesting idea for a story with some decent execution. The biggest problem was the lack of "show don't tell" this story had. As a reader, I am told how much Ahin meant to Gambit but never really shown it. Showing a brief tender moment between these two characters in a flashback would have solidified the sympathy the reader potentially feels for Gambit.

    Post Count: 12

    Rule Break: 0

    @CAPTAIN KHAN
    EXP Awarded: 5958
    Personality: 18
    Your character's personality of being reserved and reasonable was a nice contrast to Gambit's emotional recklessness. His inner monologues were quite good at giving him more depth and character for an individual that doesn't speak as much as Gambit.

    Story Progression: 16
    Your character's own story of returning to pay his respects to the villagers that took care of him was also interesting along with the whole "gambit mistakes affection between Ahin and Jin" plotline.

    Again, some minor flashbacks showing moments between Jin and the other villagers would have been good. Give them some names too.

    Combat Prowess: 14
    Some nifty use of using your swords and sword scabbard to defend yourself. Good use of stats and you showed your character's fatigue nicely. However the autohit here is a rule break.

    Descriptions: 13
    Nice use of visual descriptions but like @Sanji_ there is a lack of other sensory descriptions. For example;
    Here you can mention how the grass tastes (Is it bitter? Is it sweet?).
    Here, you can mention how the wind feels on Jin's skin (Is it pleasantly warm? Is it freezing cold?).

    Also, there was no description of what Jin looks like.

    Enjoyable: 16
    Overall quite an interesting story. Again, just like with @Sanji_ , some "show don't tell" could help improve the story. After all I am very interested in knowing how Jin escaped from a village destroying comet :LUL:.

    Post Count: 12

    Rule Break: 1
    --- Double Post Merged, Nov 3, 2018, Original Post Date: Nov 3, 2018 ---
     
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2018
  20. IceTimeXI

    IceTimeXI

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