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Discussion in 'One Piece Role Play' started by Larsi, Mar 6, 2018.

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  1. Larsi

    Larsi

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  2. Dabit

    Dabit Wanted Roger Big Mom Cracker Katakuri Smoothie

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  3. Larsi

    Larsi

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  4. Emperor Cross

    Emperor Cross Roger Big Mom Cracker Katakuri

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  5. Dragomir

    Dragomir

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    @Fire Tiger
    Personality: 16
    Story Progression: 10
    Combat Prowess: 18
    Description: 17
    Enjoyability: 14

    Score: 8766

    Post count: 19


    Rulebreak: 2
    Likewise to Luffy, you just said that sundae is good instead of SHOWING us that it's good. Make the readers accurately visualize how Kilij is feeling about this ice cream. If you just tell us, we have a blank mind.

    When you said that you were interested in seeing Nero's sword, it would have been better to foreshadow such interest in your prior posts. You could have talked about how unique and beautiful that sword looked and that you just need to get a better look. At least you showed interest in the sword at the end of the day, it furthers signifies your love for swords.

    You really like swords huh? Good post here.

    Gah! Missed opportunity here to get more description points. Ya should have described how it looked outside. Could have said something about the slightly orange sun, driving it's beautiful bright but soothing(soothing because sunset always gives that feeling ya know? Or maybe it's just me) rays across the land.


    You're controlling Nero in these post.

    @Luffy.
    Personality: 12
    Story Progression: 10
    Combat Prowess: 17
    Description: 16
    Enjoyability: 10

    Score: 7490

    Post count: 19
    Your posts felt bland and boring. You removed dialogue and thoughts in place of narration like this Nero announced his order in a calm voice and Shop waiter noted the Nero order and told him to wait for a while. Imo, it would have been to show the dialogue instead , otherwise it makes it boring.

    Show rather than tell. You liked the strawberry sundae? Don't just say "Wow...that's good" with absolutely zero facial expressions to say indicate that you enjoy it.

    Contradictory post here. You blatantly seem to dislike the idea of Kilij coming with you because of potential harm coming to him but all of sudden you say "Shall we go" without even trying to explain to him that he shouldn't come or this is dangerous? That doesn't make sense.

    Jesus Christ, dumb it down for us a little bit please lol.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019
  6. Cpt.

    Cpt. Insterstella Ranger Wanted

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  7. Fanboy sins

    Fanboy sins Another Brick in the wall.(but purple neon one) Wanted Roger Big Mom Cracker Katakuri Smoothie

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  8. Stealth Black Sanji

    Stealth Black Sanji I am Lucifer Morningstar Wanted Roger Big Mom Cracker Smoothie

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  9. Xatch

    Xatch

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  10. joby

    joby Big Mom

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  11. Dabit

    Dabit Wanted Roger Big Mom Cracker Katakuri Smoothie

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  12. MistyCat

    MistyCat Wanted Big Mom Smoothie

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    Last edited: May 5, 2019
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  13. Xatch

    Xatch

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    Name of fighters: @Xatch (63) @Luffy. (45) @IceTimeXI (51)
    Link to start of fight: El Drago's Crew
    Link to end of fight: El Drago's Crew
    Extra info: Cannon, They didn't defeat the entire crew, Long live the Hyena Pirates, ended early for Luffy... Too many rule breaks too count a total mess lol...
     
  14. Emperor Cross

    Emperor Cross Roger Big Mom Cracker Katakuri

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    Last edited: May 7, 2019
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  15. Dabit

    Dabit Wanted Roger Big Mom Cracker Katakuri Smoothie

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  16. Xatch

    Xatch

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    Gun slinger "X" @God_Maggi

    Personality- 10
    Story Progression- 9
    Combat Prowess- 9
    Descriptions- 10
    Enjoyable- 10
    Post Count- 13
    Rule breaks 2
    Noncanon EXP Score: 3264

    WE as reviewers have come to an understand that the a score of all 10's is right at the 50% mark, givin this new information my further reviews may seem harsher, but are in fact the new normal

    firstly you were borderline 3x rule breaks but only 2x actually counted.
    1. You controlled your opponent into having to take a hit, and you didn't reload your Flintlock pistols till after 3-4 shots...Flintlocks being single shots (the RB being the auto hit)

    2. You auto hit your opponent by stabbing their hand and have over played your str stat a bit by assuming 7 str was enough to fully clash/divert an attack..

    tips/ways to improve

    your posts and descriptions were WAY too short and provided little details (though they got a little better in the middle). you failed to reload, properly explain and utilize your stats. You made up a secret 2x part attack which would have been a rule break had you done anything with it. You misused stats several times, like the instance where you jump evaded, then in response to an in air dodge, you use your rifle to push off the ground (after you jumped in the air, and expected it to be effective enough to dodge an "on tier speed attack" by moving your body weight with only 7 str...

    Top things to remember
    1. Longer better descriptions
    2. Always attempt to hit things
    3. Better understand stats and fighting system,


    Dabit @Dabit

    Personality- 15
    Story Progression- 15
    Combat Prowess- 14
    Descriptions- 15
    Enjoyable- 16
    Post Count-13
    Rulebreaks- 1
    Noncanon EXP Score: 6111

    WE as reviewers have come to an understand that the a score of all 10's is right at the 50% mark, givin this new information my further reviews may seem harsher, but are in fact the new normal

    1. Rule Break- You produced a second flavor dial filled with smoke out of thin air... you posted you had 3x dials, you threw a poison filled flavor dial early on..(never RP'ed picking it up) then used a second flavor dial filled with smoke,

    Typically the host/opening poster gets credit for both setting stuff up and making a post, but since you just copy pasted the punk hazard description you got 13 instead of 14 posts...

    You also RP'd a musical den den mushi out your ass, if you were playing music it should be stated on the first post, and described why...

    other wise, you outperformed your opponent... you took more hits than you should have, and let your opponent off scotch free for misplaying stats as well... how you have a flame and heat dial and fear incendiary bullets IS BEYOND ME... but you should learn your skills better...

    1. Keep up the personality
    2. Better understand MA and fighting interactions
    3. keep better track of your gear (you have allot going on with dials and cyborg etc)
     
  17. CAPTAIN KHAN

    CAPTAIN KHAN

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  18. Dragomir

    Dragomir

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    @Cpt.
    Personality: 18
    Story Progression: 21
    Combat Prowess: 15
    Description: 17
    Enjoyability: 23

    Score: 5256

    Post count: 8

    "It is a bright and angelic day." That was a pretty meh description of the it was outside. Gotta describe the beach, the weather etc. it being a bright, angelic day hardly gives me anything to work with here. Though, describing how your crew mates were acting was nice a little. Could have been more of it.

    Staring at them, a mix of emotions flood the skypiean reborn. A sudden half smile at the joy of their death. But a flash of confused sorrow seeing Enel and Shura’s faces. Then immediately an overwhelming anger at them and himself. A reminder that he was not the one to bring peace to his own darkness. That the thirst for revenge would still haunt him. He almost lost control and obliterated the glass with a swarm of liquid bullets.... at the last second he threw his arm down and the rain struck the water by the ship instead, riling it up causing the ship to sway. He remembered how it was Joby he served and this was what it meant to be one with everything.

    I like this part of your post here but some thinking in Shalki's mind would have been really nice, like this situation right here is perfect for some inner thinking or a monologue. Knowing what Shalki is thinking when seeing all those severed heads is more fitting than just knowing his feelings. Both paired up together would be like peanut butter and jelly though.

    Mother... “HOW CLOUD I BE SO DAMN WEAK!!!” Shalki screamed at the top of his lungs as he looked up to the sky where he felt his mother could be watching. Tears flooded down his face, partially hidden by the rain that fell beside it. The voice so shrill and hopeless that the sound of the storm was masked by volume.

    Better :feelsokman:

    I need to destroy something...” turning to his captain and beginning to move onto the beach. “If you... if you destroyed them without me then... perhaps the only way to satiate the hunger of death within me is if... if- I destroy you.”

    Yeah, this makes no sense lol. I like the tone of this fight and the premise of is it that Shalki is taking out his anger on being a failure on someone, but the reason to fight Joby the guy, I guess from your statement here, killed the ppl who you wanted to kill for you is just meh and doesn't add up. Sure, I guess you'd want to do it yourself but this is pretty petty for no reason. He's your captain and he helped you out. Cmon now :pepeangry:

    It wouldn’t be enough. Of course... Shalki knew this. Lemme see Shalki actually thinking about instead of narration :rage:

    @joby
    Personality: 17
    Story Progression: 21
    Combat Prowess: 16
    Description: 19
    Enjoyability: 23

    Score: 5417

    Post count: 8

    I liked how you started off talking about the injuries you sustained in Skypeia, showing us that all those wounds are a bigger deal and have a longer lasting effect.

    Standing near Joby, Xatch looked just about ready to kill Shalki for saying what he had said. A terrifying aura was emanating from the Vice Captain, but Kiki simply picked the sentient skeleton up by his skull, between his gigantic index finger and thumb, and then grabbed hold of him in bother hands.

    Would have been better if you said something to Xatch first then Kiki interfered. Just felt kinda weird that you didn't talk to Xatch when he looked piss, telling him to back off and that you'll deal with it or something.

    "Oi, Xatchy-tan, I'm captain. This too, is part of the obligation and care I provide for my crew... do not interfere again."

    There we go :feelsokman:

    I really like how understanding and "soft"(in a good way) you are in this BG. Didn't really like how there was hardly any inner thinking in your posts and we had to learn your understanding through narration.

    Overall, I liked the mood of this "fight". It was kind of dark, sad and sorrowful. It sets it apart from other BGs that are flat and have no story to them and are just there for fighting purposes. Another thing is how y'all sacrificed having great combat prowess points(there wasn't really much exchanges about fighting) in turn for beautiful story progression. I value story above all and y'all did great.

    While yeah, I didn't like the reason provided for fighting Joby, but the actual "fight" itself and the development contained in it completely overrides the reason for why it began. Good shit boys :feelsokman:
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2019
  19. Gochi

    Gochi

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  20. Ziosa

    Ziosa Rest in peace OJ Wanted Roger Big Mom Cracker Katakuri Smoothie

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    @Stealth Black Sanji
    Personality: 15
    Story Progression: 14
    Combat Prowess: 15
    Descriptions: 15
    Enjoyable: 16
    Post Count: 17
    Rule Breaks: 1
    Feedback: The descriptions were generally good; there was a few posts where you could have added more though. Posts in the middle just before the fight were really short. Combat prowess, descriptions and story was good but nothing amazing. The bloodlust thing was a rule break as it didnt really make sense; if it was just yourself going into a state of bloodlust it would have been fine but you made it seem like an intense shockwave.
    Total Exp Awarded: 7991

    @Char Aznable
    Personality: 16
    Story Progression: 15
    Combat Prowess: 15
    Descriptions: 14
    Enjoyable: 16
    Post Count: 17
    Rule Breaks: 0
    Feedback: I liked the story of your character but you could have done with describing things a bit better; I only knew the areas you were in but not what it looked like, I also dont know what your character looked like except that he had wings. Some of your posts went from one action straight to another action, try and keep it more natural by describing your character walking and heading to a place rather than just saying they went to a place and immediately going into the next action.
    Total Exp Awarded: 8289
     
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