Info Experience System

Discussion in 'One Piece Role Play' started by Larsi, Mar 6, 2018.

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  1. Larsi

    Larsi

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  2. Dabit

    Dabit

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  3. Larsi

    Larsi

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  4. Emperor Cross

    Emperor Cross

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    Luffy., CAPTAIN KHAN, Roogy and 5 others like this.
  5. Dragomir

    Dragomir

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    @Fire Tiger
    Personality: 16
    Story Progression: 10
    Combat Prowess: 18
    Description: 17
    Enjoyability: 14

    Score: 8766

    Post count: 19


    Rulebreak: 2
    Likewise to Luffy, you just said that sundae is good instead of SHOWING us that it's good. Make the readers accurately visualize how Kilij is feeling about this ice cream. If you just tell us, we have a blank mind.

    When you said that you were interested in seeing Nero's sword, it would have been better to foreshadow such interest in your prior posts. You could have talked about how unique and beautiful that sword looked and that you just need to get a better look. At least you showed interest in the sword at the end of the day, it furthers signifies your love for swords.

    You really like swords huh? Good post here.

    Gah! Missed opportunity here to get more description points. Ya should have described how it looked outside. Could have said something about the slightly orange sun, driving it's beautiful bright but soothing(soothing because sunset always gives that feeling ya know? Or maybe it's just me) rays across the land.


    You're controlling Nero in these post.

    @Luffy.
    Personality: 12
    Story Progression: 10
    Combat Prowess: 17
    Description: 16
    Enjoyability: 10

    Score: 7490

    Post count: 19
    Your posts felt bland and boring. You removed dialogue and thoughts in place of narration like this Nero announced his order in a calm voice and Shop waiter noted the Nero order and told him to wait for a while. Imo, it would have been to show the dialogue instead , otherwise it makes it boring.

    Show rather than tell. You liked the strawberry sundae? Don't just say "Wow...that's good" with absolutely zero facial expressions to say indicate that you enjoy it.

    Contradictory post here. You blatantly seem to dislike the idea of Kilij coming with you because of potential harm coming to him but all of sudden you say "Shall we go" without even trying to explain to him that he shouldn't come or this is dangerous? That doesn't make sense.

    Jesus Christ, dumb it down for us a little bit please lol.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019 at 3:39 PM
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