@Fire Tiger Personality: 7 Story Progression: 10 Combat Prowess: 5 Description: 13 Enjoyability: 10 Score: 2197 Post count: 9 Spoiler Bro, that intro to the story was clean. Great way to give an image into the reader's mind what's going on. You told us what you were doing, the scenery, and the purpose of you being there. Kilij Dao Odachi sat on the rooftop of the clocktower in the middle of town with a whetstone sharpening his shamshir sword. The way the setting sun shined on the edge of the blade gave the scene a sinister feel. Just clean! Although I did like how you set the scenery, it got a bit redundant with you saying "he could see". Could have spiced it a little more in showing us readers what was happening. It was still good though. Just a nitpick here. Ok, in your second post here, you blew an opportunity to get more personality here. But do I abandon the plan for this slim chance? When you said this, you could have done a back and forth in your mind stressing about whether or not stick with the original plan or take a stab at the new opportunity. You could have gotten a few more points on personality for that, but at least you did the decision to take the chance and attack. That progressed the story. Another case here where you could have added more personality. When Kilij saw that he screwed up, you could have said something about him getting scared or nervous for a second. Sweat dripping down his face seeing that his first attempt failed and he lost the surprise advantage. Get what I'm saying? @iNFERNAL Personality: 5 Story Progression: 9 Combat Prowess: 6 Description: 10 Enjoyability: 10 Score: 1685 Post count: 8 Spoiler You were good with your description of the scenery. Though, I would have liked it better if you explained what's going on right at the start alongside this post, The place was filled with ordinary people who wanted to take a break from the everyday hustle and bustle of duties instead of the second paragraph, but that's just a nitpick of mine, won't dock you for it. I believe you could have said something more about your job. For instance, Sitting alone and waiting for his job to start any minute now. Transporting a prisoner from point A to B(also believe you could have described what locations those points were, like from the market to the prison). Such a simple job. Though, it was getting dark. The sun was setting, creepy things always happen in the dark. Infernal tried to stay calm and collected, but he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling in him. Imo, that would have given you more personality. This part of your second post felt bland to me When Infernal was crossing north bridge near to the center of city, suddenly he saw shadow that was close to him. Infernal try to dodge and barely made it. You could have added more on your character thinking about this shadow. For example, Huh? Infernal frowned when he saw the shadow, is someone behind me? Infernal thought. See what I mean?